Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
