I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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