I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
