Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
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