just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
