I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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