So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize