I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
