I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
