Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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