Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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