I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
