your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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