I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
