dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
