The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize