I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
