Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
This house was built for laser tag.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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