I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize