Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
