By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
