did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
