oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
