Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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