I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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