i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
