I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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