Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
