I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Sext me about skeletons
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
