so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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