There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
