i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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