I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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