So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
