it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You can't just leave with hair like that
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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