Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
