Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize