I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
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