I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
