I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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