Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
