i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
there is glitter all over my balls
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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