yo everyone went to the hospital last night
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
