so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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