i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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