I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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