Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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