Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
