Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
