apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
