just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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