If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
