was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
