you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize