I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
