i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
