whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
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