Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
