Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
