my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
this is an emotional support booty call
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
