I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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