the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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