WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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