as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
