awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I will be naked everywhere
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
