jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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